


It's Okay

by lukesdaydreams



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Love, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Unrequited Love, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 10:20:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7680604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lukesdaydreams/pseuds/lukesdaydreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You don't love me, it's okay."</p><p>"But I do love you."</p><p>"No," Gerard smiled sadly, "you love the idea of me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Okay

**Author's Note:**

> sorry

As Frank pushed into Gerard, the man beneath him groaned in pleasure, the sensation of being filled up washing over him, taking control of his thoughts and senses. All there was was Frank. In that moment, there was no need for anything else. The two were in their own universe.

Frank's thrusts were slow and deep, filled with purpose. He wanted Gerard to feel so good. He wanted to show Gerard how beautiful he was. He wanted Gerard.

Gerard, though he loved Frank, new that it could never be. As Frank's movements became quicker and sloppier, small "I love you"s started spilling from his lips, each one stabbing Gerard in the chest, for he knew that they weren't true. The man he loved could never love him back. It just wasn't meant to be. It was all an illusion in the cloud of lust and desire to be needed. That's all Frank really loved- the fact that Gerard needed him. Too bad the poor soul had no idea of his own lies.

When Frank released inside of Gerard, the older man grew desperate for his own. Frank quickly pumped his erection, leaning in and biting his ear lobe, tugging with his teeth. His hot breath caressed the sweet spot beneath Gerard's jaw oh-so gently. He came with a long groan that faded out into a quiet whimper.

"I love you so much," Frank whispered as if it were a precious secret, never meant to be heard by any outsider. Lord new that if anyone saw what they had just done, their lives that they had built up from the dirt would crumble before their eyes. No one could know. Frank seemed to like the idea of a secret relationship. Gerard wanted more. He wanted to hold Frank's hand in public, to give him good morning kisses on the corner of his mouth, to wake up next to a warm sleeping Frank, to be able to shout his love to the world. But most of all, he wanted Frank's constant "I love you"s to be true. He wanted to truly be loved by this man that had changed his life. This man that had lifted him up off the bathroom floor, cleaned him up, made him a better person. This man that he was so foolishly and desperately in love with. This man that he could never be with.

Gerard turned to the nightstand where he knew Frank kept his cigarettes. He opened the drawer and pulled one out, along with a lighter. His gazes floated upwards and he winced at the sight of a photograph. Frank and Jamia were smiling, holding each other, all bundled up in winter clothes and rosy cheeks. Gerard felt tears well in his eyes as he remembered that Frank was still married. However, Frank didn't love Jamia and he didn't love Gerard. He loved no one, even though he didn't realize it.

Gerard lit his cigarette, silently wishing that he could light that God damn photograph on fire, because while Frank didn't love Jamia anymore, he used to, and that's more than Gerard would ever get. More than he could ever wish for.

The first drag was like a sweet release, a momentary escape from reality until he was pulled harshly back into the world. Frank took Gerard's cigarette and breathed in the toxic smoke, sighing as he let it out between his lips.

The lied there for what seemed like eternities, though it couldn't be more than a few minutes because their shared cigarette was only half way gone. Gerard could feel Frank's gaze. He could feel what Frank thought was love but was only misguidance. It hurt, but he had to let Frank know.

"It's okay, Frankie," Gerard breathed. Frank gave him a quizzical look.

"What are you talking about, Gee," he asked.

"I know you don't love me, it's okay," Gerard replied. Except it wasn't okay. Gerard wasn't okay. He wasn't sure if he ever would be.

"But I do love you," Frank said, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and worry.

"No," Gerard smiled sadly, "you love the idea of me. You love that someone needs you. You love that you have someone to take care of. But you don't love me. Please Frankie, don't lie to me anymore."

That night, when Gerard got dressed, the tears finally fell. Little drops of glass silently rolled down his cheeks, dropping to the floor. His back was to Frank, so the tattooed man wouldn't see him. Once he composed himself, he turned to the man he loved and said,

"I love you more than you'll ever know."

"And I love you too," Frank said, desperate for Gerard to believe him. Desperate to believe himself.

"In my dreams you do, but not here, not now. Maybe one day you will. But right now, you're just lost. I hope you find yourself before I go," Gerard answered.

"Before you go, what do you mean?" Frank began to grow worried, but all that stood in front of him now was a closed door.

~

2 Years Later

Gerard was gone. As Frank's tears fell onto the obituaries, he realized that all that time ago, he didn't love Gerard. But the ache in his heart- in his soul- told him that this time, maybe he did. Frank finally understood Gerard's words that night. He had found himself. But he was too late. He didn't live up to Gerard's hopes. He was gone before Frank had understood. His life, taken by his own hand. His love, finally returned. His Frank, alone, experiencing the most excruciating pain anyone could go through.

Love.

 

**Author's Note:**

> kill me I wrote this on my phone just now


End file.
